James is 42 years old and has a young family. He works hard – there’s the possibility of a promotion at work, and so he’s been doing long hours and answering emails on weekends. Redoubling his efforts.
He’s not been promoted yet, but he’s sure it’s close. He feels that he deserves it; and he needs to earn as much as he can for his family and to increase financial security for the future.
By the time he gets home late in the evening, he’s too exhausted to engage with his children in any meaningful way and, if he’s honest, in that moment he just needs some time to decompress and is happy when they’ve gone to bed. But sometimes, like when he’s on the morning commute, he looks back and is horrified that he thought and acted like that, because he loves his kids. Everything will be better when he gets the promotion. Not long now.
James doesn’t get his promotion, and he feels wretched. What more does he have to do, to make a good impression? Already worn out, resentment and anger bubbles up, and it impacts his performance and his mental health. He starts to turn in on himself, engage less, his energy levels drop further. He thinks about looking for another job, but with his energy so low it’s hard to find the headspace to make the effort needed and besides, his confidence has taken a hit, and proving himself to a new employer feels daunting. He doesn’t know which way to turn. He finds himself on a performance management plan at work and is devastated at the turn of events. His sickness levels increase but he muddles on as best as he can, but it’s costing him.
Pete is 42 years old and has a young family. He works hard – there’s the possibility of a promotion at work, so he’s been stepping up his leadership behaviours to show he’s a good fit for the more senior role. As well as turning in his usual good work, he’s been setting the example for his juniors and his peers by managing his working hours and making sure his team do the same, encouraging a good work/life balance and a healthy and supportive working environment. The team are happier as a result, and they are also performing better. Pete has created a great working environment around himself which benefits everyone.
When he gets home in the early evening, he’s tired but not exhausted. He’s pleased and happy to see his kids and he plays with them for a bit to relax before dinner. He helps put the kids to bed and then snuggles up on the sofa with his wife to watch their current box set and chat about their days.
Pete doesn’t get his promotion. He’s frustrated that the company management hasn’t recognised his good leadership, there’s a flicker of anger that they don’t value the impact he’s had, so he starts looking for other roles and soon finds employment at a more enlightened business. The fresh start does him the power of good and the salary bump doesn’t hurt, either. He makes a good impression in the new company and he realises that, although he keeps in touch with his old colleagues, he really needed the fresh challenge.
Both companies failed to notice – or chose to ignore – the efforts that James and Pete were making; but Pete’s mindset and approach left him with the energy to enjoy life outside work and to do something to change his situation.
James, on the other hand, is heading for burnout – or already there, more likely.
Although these are two fictionally contrived examples, you might be able to identify people you know who are like James and Pete. Perhaps you’ve been one of them?
Getting out of the wagon ruts can be really hard when your thinking is fixed into a particular behaviour, but a great solution for this is an external supporter like a coach. A coach can be invaluable in helping to break patterns of behaviour, in identifying other paths for the future and helping their clients create the outcome or outcomes that the client is looking for.